It’s never easy admitting things need to change.

Even at the smallest level, any change to the way people live their lives can seem like an insurmountable task. I tried telling myself I was going to eat healthier almost a year ago, and still I sit here writing this blog post eating salt and vinegar chips and drinking Mountain Dew (Baja Blast is literally the single greatest drink on this planet and anyone that disagrees is simply wrong).

My point here is that I recently found myself in a place where some very real decisions needed to be made. Money was getting tight, bills were getting larger, and spreading my time between five employers at any given time was physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting me to the point that even getting out of bed some days took more strength than I had. So the question I had to ask myself: What do I do?

The answer, whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not, was to go home.

It took me a few days to get myself on board with that decision. It was certainly not an easy one to make; over the last four years, I’ve created a life that was entirely my own. I relied on nobody but myself. I lived the life I wanted to live in the place I wanted to be. And it certainly was no walk in the park either! I had to learn a lot of harsh lessons along the way. But I took everything that was thrown at me and I worked hard in order to overcome it. And every hurdle I cleared, I took that experience and I grew. I learned. I made myself better.

But then the hurdles got bigger. And then there were more of them. And then they started slashing my tires and stalking me at work. One night, I woke up to go to the bathroom and I could swear I saw a hurdle standing in my kitchen watch– okay, this analogy is getting out of hand. The point here is that life was throwing a lot of big things my way and I stopped being able to deal with them properly. Honestly, this is a decision I probably should’ve made a year ago. But I was proud and stubborn; always a bad combination.

TL;DR: I’m coming home until I get my life back together. Not sure how long that’s going to take, but I know this is what needs to happen. I’ve started making the necessary arrangements as far as work goes, now I’ve got to sell off a bunch of stuff before the end of December so I don’t have to lug as much back to Manitoba.

Here’s to new chapters. -toasts self with Mountain Dew-

PS: I have made so many friends here and I am going to miss every single one of them. Hopefully when I drive through on my way to and from Quadra in the summer, I’ll be able to find time to catch up.

PPS: I picked a reeeeeally bad time to move back to Manitoba. WINTER?! What kind of person CHOOSES to move to Manitoba in the WINTER?! Hopefully my winter stuff still fits.

I know I said in my last post that I need to get better at writing these things. I clearly did not follow my own advice, since that post went up in May.

In between then and now, not a whole lot has really happened. With Quadra 2019 and Bermuda (which will DEFINITELY warrant its own post at some point) wrapped up, it’s back to regular life. Still working entirely too much (although I did have to take yesterday off; it doesn’t happen very often, but it was absolutely necessary for my own sake), new training year set to begin within the next 24 hours, and fitting in the rare social occasion whenever my schedule and the ability to spend time with people after what has likely already been an exhausting work filled day allow me to do so.

“But Cody,” you could be asking right now, “What does the future hold?” I’m so glad you (potentially) asked, dear reader. With my radio career a fond memory, I have new goals in mind. The wrench in this plan, of course, is while some gears are already turning, other gears can’t start until OTHER other gears start turning, which is beyond my control. So until the things I have no say in are firmly in place, I will play my all-time favourite “The Waiting Game” (which I’m honestly surprised no network has tried to literally turn into a game show. I mean come on, they’ve made shows based on Candy Crush and Shazam. Seriously, look it up. Or don’t; I’m not the boss of you).

Until the next phase of my plans get started, it’s status quo for me, which means working a tremendous amount and sleeping as little as possible. Could be why I’m writing this at 1 in the morning when my body has absolutely no desire to sleep. After this goes up, I’m probably going to continue watching compilations of House clips on YouTube until I slowly drift off in a couple of hours.

Also, I love that my laptop has a backlit keyboard. It’s the little things, I guess.

Man, I really have to get better at writing these.

Although to be perfectly honest, I don’t know who I’m writing these for. It’s not like I publicly advertise that I have a website, never mind that there’s a blog on it. No one’s messaged me saying “I love reading your blog, you should write more”, so it’s entirely possible I’m just writing them for me. And if that’s the case, I need to send myself more “I love reading your blog, you should write more” messages.

In the time since I last put “pen” to “paper”, I have effectively retired from the radio and news reporting industries. Despite my best efforts at finding gainful employment, the only messages I received back were “No thanks”. For some reason, any station I reached out to didn’t think I was the best person for the job. My theories on why ranged from the reasonable (They had more qualified applicants) to the downright insane (Someone at my old job is keeping me from finding work). Inevitably, I resigned myself to the fact that my time in media was done.

And then I got a Facebook message.

That message turned into a meeting, and a few days later, that meeting turned into a job offer. Full time reporter and weekend editor of a web based news company. Great salary, working from home, potential use of a company car, and I didn’t have to leave Kamloops. Everything was perfect and I was happy to say yes.

And then I said no.

Fair warning that the reason for why I said no may seem crazy, but believe me that this was not a rushed decision in any way. In the days after I got my phone call, my thoughts about the job went from extremely positive to… I wouldn’t say negative, but certainly concerning. As many people in my life are aware (and if said people end up reading this one day, here’s your shout out), I have been involved in the cadet program for over half my life. I have had the chance to see and do so many amazing things over the past 13.5 years that I wouldn’t have been able to see and do otherwise. This year alone, I’ve spent three weeks in Ottawa revising and drafting processes and Terms of Reference to use at all 22 of our Cadet Training Centres. Last year, I got to have input on policy changes that would affect every corps and squadron. This was the most beneficial work I’ve been able to do in the program; affecting real change for the betterment of the program and the cadets in it. I have gotten to meet so many incredible people, including some year one OGs that I still keep in contact with to this day. It’s not an exaggeration to say that I would not be even half the person I am today if it wasn’t for the cadet program. To be honest, I don’t think I’d even be here at all without it. And for that reason, I’ve had the mentality that as long as I can keep giving back to this program, I would.

All of that said, one of the caveats of taking this job would’ve been that I would have to scale back my level of involvement with the cadet program. That would mean no more policy drafting opportunities. I wouldn’t be accepting any more CTC contracts. Say goodbye to teaching for RCSU. Even at the corps level, I wouldn’t be able to fully commit at the level I would need to. And I really had thought (and the words did indeed come out of my mouth) that I was ready to move on, that I had put in more than enough time, that I was going to take a well deserved break from this program. But when the time came, I found out I wasn’t as ready to leave as I thought I was.

Upon further thought, I also remembered how my last couple months at the radio station were. I was constantly stressed, I was struggling to keep up with the expected workload, I was losing sleep. It was at the point where I would wake up and immediately start freaking out, thinking I had overslept and was late for work, only to find out it was 10 pm and my weekend shift didn’t start for another six hours. And with those memories resurfacing, I found myself thinking that this new job could end up being more of the same. And after the inevitable pros and cons list that I made for myself, all of the above made for a pretty convincing argument to hang up my mic and headset for good.

Now here we are, about a month and a half later. I’m set to return to Quadra this summer (woot woot Boatswain Mate!) and as an added bonus, I’m also going to Bermuda for this year’s international exchange! That opportunity on its own makes me think I made the right decision, but really only time will tell.

Alright, I guess that does it for another blog post. See you in 2020, probably.

Two blog posts within a month of each other? Unheard of.

Yet today of all days, I felt compelled to. Today is the anniversary of one of the toughest days I’ve ever had, which kicked off quite possibly my worst year.

October 16, 2017: The day I lost my job.

It was a regular day, nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing stood out. And then at the end of the day, I was called into the boss’ office and was told they were done with me. The whole reason I left my home and moved three provinces west, gone like it never happened.

In the months following, I found myself in a dark place. I stopped taking care of myself properly. I couldn’t fall asleep before 3 am without the help of sleep aids. At one point, I was working four part time jobs in order to make ends meet, and it still wasn’t enough to get me to a point where I had more than my head above water.

And yet the thing that hit me the most was losing my dog. This wonderful pup was the best part of my last 15 years on this planet. The love she had for my family was warm and never-ending, and we made sure to give it right back. She was never seriously ill, we took care of her injuries, and when it came time to say goodbye, we all knew it. To hear my parents tell it, I think she might have known too. Even as I write this, I struggle to fight back tears. She’s only been gone for three months and it still feels like yesterday.

But I think my future’s looking up. I’m back working full time (not in radio, but money’s money), I’m trying to live healthier, and I’m trying to get to a place in life where I’m happy. It’s a long road, but I’m getting there.

Slowly but surely.

 

Another blog post, another seven months past since the last one. Good thing I’m not tied to a consistent posting schedule.

One more summer at Quadra in the books (maybe it’s worth making a separate post about it) and another local training year is now underway. We’ve got a lot of great stuff planned and I’m looking forward to seeing it pan out… hopefully.

I’ve accepted the fact that there’s no radio work for me in Kamloops. This was made evident yesterday when the other station, the one that I wasn’t let go from, emailed me to say I wasn’t being considered for the position I’d applied for. Whatever their reason, it’s made me realize that if I want to stay in the industry, I have to look elsewhere. And I have been! I spent a good chunk of the summer looking for work as far east as back home. And every job I applied for, I either heard nothing back or I got a resounding “No thanks”. All except for one, which I had an interview for yesterday as well. They said they’d “be in touch”, but I’m not holding my breath.

It’s been tempting to pack it in and go home. Things were easier there; living rent-free, no groceries to buy, and the only bills were my credit card and cell phone. I could still work with the cadet program, I have a lot more contacts for work there than I do here, and it’d be nice to see my friends and family more than a couple times a year (if I’m lucky). Even sitting on my couch typing this out, the decision seems like it’s so simple to make.

But can I handle the thought of giving up? Not in the slightest.

I’ve made it this far on my own. I’ve managed to support myself this whole way, even if I’ve had to work four jobs to do it. There’s a roof over my head and food in my fridge (metaphorical food; I’m not going grocery shopping until tomorrow). I have friends out here that are as incredibly supportive as the ones back home. And sure, I may not be working in radio. But it’s not like I haven’t had opportunities to still do what I love. I’ve been able to do some work with the cadet program that’s the most beneficial things I’ve ever done. And if I never work in radio again, sure I’ll be sad. And if it does, then great! But if it doesn’t, then hopefully it’s because the door to somewhere even greater opened up.

Staying positive is a constant battle, but it’s one I’m determined not to lose.

On September 15, 2016, I decided to start a blog on my website. The first post was all about how I made the move from Manitoba to BC in order to progress my broadcasting career. I felt good about writing it, so I decided to write more.

Oops. Guess I forgot to remind myself to do that.

So it’s been well over a year; what have I managed to do with my career? Well, I got a full time job with a station here in Kamloops in their news department. From Thursday to Monday, you could hear my silky smooth voice bringing news to listeners across the region. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be and roughly nine months later, I no longer worked there.

I think that might have been a blessing though. As much as I like the people and I enjoy being on air, I stopped enjoying the job after awhile. They were letting me take the time off during the summer to go to work at Quadra, so I thought “Maybe I can come back to it feeling refreshed and re-energized.”

I didn’t.

So now here I am, without full-time work. I took back my old part-time job in order to pay the bills, but I still want to get back into radio. I’ve been applying anywhere and everywhere I’ve seen postings, including just dropping off resumes. But much like the last time, it’s been “We’re going a different direction” and “You’re not what we’re looking for”.

I’m not getting discouraged though. I’m going to keep going until I find something. I’ve come too far to give up now.

On the cadet side of things, I took over command of the corps here and I’ve been having a great time! Getting to work with the cadets and officers here has been incredible, and watching them progress through their careers has been an amazing experience. I have a lot I want to do here, so while I’m still here I’m hoping to get big things done.

Just got back from the Commanding Officer Course and it was a great weekend! Getting to network with incoming and current COs from across the region was very beneficial, and I have many new ideas coming out of that. I’m also going to apply for the courses that will allow me to be an instructor on officer training courses for the region. I still owe a lot to this program and I’m always looking for new ways to keep paying them back.

I’m doing alright. I’m bouncing back.

I think I’m gonna make it.

Hi. I see you’ve found my blog.

I’m sure the only people reading this are friends, family, and the occasional random person that stumbled across this post by accident while looking for something else, which means 99% of the people reading this already know who I am. However, I’ll tell you my life story anyways because isn’t that how blogging works? I’m new to this, so stop me if I’m doing this wrong.

Here goes: I’m Cody Carter-Squire, a 20-something college graduate born in Brandon Manitoba, currently living in Kamloops British Columbia, and trying to make a career for myself in radio broadcast.

Emphasis on the word “trying”.

I moved here from Thompson MB, where I’d spent seven months working in a few positions at their radio station. I started as their midday announcer and eventually worked my way into the newsroom and started writing and reporting. I enjoyed my time there, but ever since I was 13, I’ve wanted to live and work in BC. I’ve spent every summer since 2006 as a sea cadet on Vancouver Island, so BC sort of became my second home. That was my end goal; no matter how I got there, or how long it took, I would make it there.

So imagine my surprise, not even a full year into my first job in industry, when I found myself giving my notice at work so that I could go to BC and find employment out there. The opportunity had come up for me to move to BC (fairly inexpensively, I might add; or at least, less expensively than it could’ve been), spend two months working with cadets for the 5th straight year (11th overall), and then job hunt over the summer for whoever was willing to hire me.

One small problem with that plan: no one was willing to hire me.

I sent resumes and demo reels to anyone and everyone in the province that was looking to hire someone; and even if they weren’t, I sent them one too. I got emails back from a few places, but most of them said either “Hey we got your email, we’ll let you know if we want to hire you” or “Hey we’re not hiring right now, but thanks anyways”.

There were only stations in two cities that actually seemed willing to possibly hire me: Kamloops and Victoria. Stations in both cities said “Call us when you get here”, which didn’t really sit well with me; why would I move there just for you to tell me “We don’t have anything for you” to my face?

But there was another station in Kamloops that said “We have a casual position that we’ll have waiting for you in the fall”. And for me, that was basically a done deal; it was a foot in the door, a good starting point. I’ll find full time work somewhere else while I bide my time and wait for something permanent to open up. Sounds good to me.

The next step was finding a place to live. Now that it was decided that Kamloops was where I was going, I then needed to find a roof to put over my head. The friends and contacts I have there were super helpful in recommending different locations and people to talk to, and eventually I had a few good options to choose from.

When filling in rental applications, there’s a spot on there that asks about your employment. Which makes sense; they want to make sure you can actually pay your rent. So when I called the station to find out what to put on the application, I was given the bad news.

“We’ve given the position to someone else.”

Suddenly, anxiety began to take over; how am I going to pay rent if I don’t have a job? Where am I going to live if I can’t pay my rent? How can I get a job if I don’t even have a place to live? Did I make the right choice in leaving my old job?

What do I do?

Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long for the answer to that question. The following week, I saw a posting for a full time position at another Kamloops station. It had only just gone up that day, so I quickly fired off a resume and demo, crossed my fingers, and figured I could still move to Kamloops and find a job to keep the income flowing until I got the job I wanted.

That was about a month ago. Fast forward to now: I didn’t get that full time job, but I am working with a different station part time as a board operator for broadcasting sporting events. Still got my foot in the door.

I’ve also applied for jobs with some other businesses in town, so I’m waiting to hear back from them about whether or not I have more work coming. Hopefully one of the dozen or so companies will get back to me, so that I know where my rent money is coming from.

And in case my mom is reading this, I’m still doing fine despite everything I just said.